The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

All I can say is today has been a day of what only can be described as ups and downs. I feel like for everything that went right there was always a negative side to it. Or at least that's how it feels in my head anyway. Let me explain.

It kinda carried on from yesterday really. You see I don't know why, well I thought I kind of did but I'm sure my poor eating habits aren't the only thing to blame. But anyway whether it was that alone, the fact I'm suffering a bit from insomnia and the fact I may still slightly be in New York time. But anyway I was up all night. And when I mean all I mean I was awake until at least quarter past 6! That's without dozing or even yawning for the most part! I'm talking so wide awake I could have probably gone for a full on 5k run! So this was obviously not good at all! Especially when I'd planned to get up at a more sensible time so that I could actually start on my dossier! 

I bet you can guess what came next now then. You're thinking 'Ahh so she's gonna go on a rant about how she ended up procrastinating and not doing any work all day'. Well in one way yes you're right. But I did in fact start watching my BBC clips! Wait for it.... at 5 in the morning! I guess I finally did something sensible in my life for once. I used my time productively! If I wasn't going to sleep then I might as well do something half beneficial. Plus I think I kind of secretly hoped it would bore me so much I'd fall asleep!

Well after watching a whole hour, I was surprisingly still wide awake. But at least I was yawning and felt like I might finally get some sort of sleep! Which to my joy I did at quarter past 6ish! So not only before I'd technically even woken up, started my dossier work and did get some sleep! Plus it got even better! My Mum booked me in to a Body Pump class for this evening! This day should have been amazing!!

But was it? Well not all of it. I won't exactly say it was the worst day, because believe me it certainly wasn't! By my standards it was pretty good! But of course there is always something that had to go wrong. 

Well you could say the fact I then never got up again until half 12 was partly to do with that. Which only happened because my Nan rung asking when I wanted to go shopping. (I'd asked them the day before to take me into Basildon so I could take a coat back and I was secretly hoping for a trip to Starbucks! What a girl needs her caffeine fix! And.. I'm only 4 stars from being a Gold Member! Yes I do drink that much coffee!) 

Tragus Piercing!!!

So you're still thinking the reason I'm saying I had a bad day is because I clearly haven't done the work I set out to do. Which yes is the honest answer. I had a lovely time shopping, not only did I successfully return my coat with no problems, I also got my Starbucks. Okay admittedly I was actually a little disappointed in my Starbucks as it just didn't taste as good as it normally does. But that still was no worry. And guess what.. I even faced my fears and got my tragus pierced! At sodding last! I only went up to Bananas to enquire a price, expecting them to say something expensive and ridiculous but when they said £15 and my Nan offered to pay I knew I did have to have it done. Or else I knew I never would! And I've got to say I love it! Yes it hurt, yes it required me to eat something before I got it done! (And I did it, as much as I protested at first) But I did it!

So not even that brought be down! I mean I then had a brilliant Body Pump class! Which I cannot wait to brag to a certain someone about as soon as the opportunity arises! With a secret smugness that I managed to up my squat weight too! And without having done it in about 3 weeks! Ahh everything was going to well! 

I  guess it all really came down to my lack of motivation to work! I know I need to do it and I just can't. I feel like a failure every time I try and that's why it's the ugly! The ugly is the state that my mindset is in! The fact I can't bare to even begin my work. It's now only 10 days till it's due in and I still haven't even really started. (Until I put pen to paper it doesn't count!) 

I just need some motivation. Something to force me to. But nothing will! I could be in an empty room with absolutely nothing else and still would find myself doing something else than the work!

Why am I so useless?!!! Or more to the point, why will I never let myself have a day where I'm happy?

Emily x

Day One and I'm already a failure.

So it's Day One of a New Year. One that I hope for not only my own sake, but for the sake of everyone who is unfortunate to encounter me in this upcoming year. Be far better than the last! I have so many aspirations and dreams that I really do want to achieve. But at the moment, ever the pessimist, I cannot see a single one of them working out. Want to know why? Because I've already failed. I can't even stick to one single promise to myself. It's Day One for gods sake and I can't even do that! 

I mean today I planned on actually getting started on my dossier that I need to do for uni. I set myself a target to watch at least four hours of news. This is the start of the news that I've been telling myself for the past two weeks I was going to watch everyday. Did I do it? Of course not. I procrastinated. The one thing I can actually excel in! Why do I not have a degree or job in it? Believe me, I would be the most fantastic procrastinator ever! 

I should have known this was how my day would turn out to be truthful. It was destined from the minute I woke up at 10:30am, then 11am, then 11:20am and so on and so on until I eventually dragged myself out of bed at 12:45pm! What is wrong with me?!!! To think at the start of 2013 I was the person that would be up at 7:30am without fail. Now that time doesn't even exist as far as I'm concerned. Unless of course I'm still awake from the night before because I've forgotten to sleep! Well I say forgotten, more likely the fact that I can't sleep because I'm on an energy rush after still eating at about half 3 in the morning!

But anyway the fact that I didn't get up until nearly 1pm may have contributed to my lack of work. That and the fact I then decided I'd start watching one of the most ridiculous films of my life courtesy of BBC called 'Gangsta Granny'. It was poor by all accounts, yet I still found myself watching it over the thought of doing work. Plus I still kind of had in my head that I would begin watching the shows later. So anyway by the time that had finished it was about quarter past two and this is the moment my Mum says she was finally getting dressed and we could go to Sports Direct and get me some new fitness trainers. Of course I wasn't going to refuse this offer. A chance to get out of the house, go shopping and probably get a coffee! (Of which I very much enjoyed I may add. I mean come on, it was my first Costa Cappuccino of the year!) 

But back to the point. See even writing this I get distracted! I think it's just now embedded in my genetic makeup. Another reason I am now excusing as to why I'm such a failure in life forever. Eurgh I really do hate myself. 

Anyway, after a coffee with my very lovely mother, and deciding that I'll just be better off ordering new fitness trainers online because I'm a cheapskate and know that I can get ones similar for a cheaper price. Which I may add I will not be ordering for myself because I don't feel I deserve them. Yes the sole of my trainers may be falling off but why pay out for another thing for me when glue can easily fix the ones I've got. I know I will end up ordering them eventually but I'm gonna drag it out until my Mum literally sits me down and forces me to do it. However I know she'll probably forget (I inherited my forgetfulness from her) and then I'll go back to uni and it will all be too late. Shame!

Typing this I'm realizing more and more how I'm my own worst enemy. I don't feel like I deserve anything and feel to be honest I already have far too much. I'm dreading going back to uni as I hate spending money on myself. I don't even like going food shopping as I feel I don't deserve it. I just do it because I know I have to. And even then it lands me in trouble as I hate myself so much. But that's a story for another day and hopefully something that will never happen ever again. Although I fear my lack of self control is going to limit me. Eurgh, this is making me want to drop out of uni more and more! 

I think I'm going to have to stop here as I'm making myself feel worse and worse the more I type. I know I haven't reached the end of why I've procrastinated all day but I'm sure you get the gist. In short it included a lot of social networking, reading celeb magazines, and doing my Jillian Michael's Shred. Plus watching lots of Hollyoaks that I need to catch up on from over Christmas! Let's hope somehow tomorrow I find a way to actually do some work. Otherwise I seriously might as well just become a bum for the rest of my life. 

It seems that's all I'm destined to be right now anyway. 

Emily x

Images not my own. 

Who knew a bulldog could make such a difference? Instant Mood Lift!

I've got to say there are only a few things that really do lift my mood when I'm feeling low. Exercise being the obvious one, then things like going for a coffee with a friend. But recently something I've found that helps quite a lot is watching videos and looking at pictures of cute animals. Don't ask me why but it does. I think it's the whole cuteness appeal and the innocence of them. I just feel better for watching them. So I've decided it's not exactly a bad thing and thought I'd share one that I particularly like. This video is a whole compilation of bulldogs and I've got to say it is one of the most sweetest things. If this can't make you smile I don't know what will!  

Let me know what you think!

Emily x

Prank Calling Puppies - Surprising Mood Lift!

Hello there,

On a mission to keep my mood up, plus the fact that I was majorly procrastinating from doing my uni work I came across this cute little video on Youtube that certainly put a smile on my face. I think this would be one of the only times I would except a prank call and actually be alright with it. (Well only if Skype was involved!) If not I think I might be a little confused by what was going on but I'm sure you'll see what I mean when you watch the video yourself! So anyway here is something that I hope puts a smile on your face too and I think you'll agree you wouldn't mind getting a call from them either! 

Have you come across any other cute prank calling animals? If you have please let me know! 

Emily x

Petrol Station Confidence

Hello readers,

I'm ever so grateful that you're back once again! Or maybe this is your first time reading my blog in which case Welcome! and I hope you do like me a little! 

Anyway so again I've been doing what I seem to do best... procrastinating! It's probably why I end up stressing out so much when it comes to deadlines and the days before an exam. Which is slightly becoming more and more concerning considering in just six days time I will be sitting one :s Yes that is a 'Worry' face! Yet strangely I'm not majorly. Well I kind of am.

Oh I don't know. Put it this way I'm concerned and worried but not so much so that I'm really doing anything about it and still think that some how I'm magically going to be okay in the exam! Even though I know that's certainly not true in any way, shape or form! Maybe I should start revising a bit more? Well I certianly shouldn't be procrastinating as much as I am anyway and spending all night watching silly Youtube clips! 

Although the one I'm blogging about is amazing and will brighten up your day to say the least! I think all I can say is these people are so fun and to be able to just stand there and belt out a tune in the middle of a petrol station is beyond me! Such inner confidence and pride. I really wish I had their sort of confidence, to just not worry about what anyone else thought and just be so bold and out there. I'm jealous of them! I think inner confidence and self belief really is beautiful, especially when it's from too clearly adorable and kind hearted, innocent people as the two in this video!

Jay Leno certianly got lucky when he chose this petrol pump! Think how different this phrank could have been if he'd gotten some miserable person who refused to play along! Well anyway here's the video... I think you'll agree it's entertaining to say the least!

Told you it was good didn't I! What did you think of their rendition of 'Living on a Prayer'? Think you'd have the confidence to sing in the middle of the petrol station? I wish I did!

Emily x

I'm back...

Hello everyone,

So it's me again. That person who at the start of the year promised to be blogging much more regularly, and up until January I did achieve this! Okay I know it was only January but it weren't quite as bad as it sounds, I did manage the whole month! Well nearly. But anyway, ever since I've constantly been meaning to blog. I sit there and have so many ideas for article and things but juts never actually get around to writing about them. Which is probably due to many factors. One being that I'm just useless. Secondly, I seem to prioritize all the wrong things! I seem to procrastinate so much and just don't actually do anything. I can't even say that uni work is something that is taking up my time because it's not. In fact I've got two essays and a video project, all due in within two weeks. One of them being a politics essay! Something I have no clue about. Yet I find myself simply not bothering to do any readings or anything! What is wrong with me?!!! 

But I've come to the conclusion this is not on! If I want to get anywhere in the world I seriously need to get my act together and stop wasting so much time. I need to start doing my uni work, rather than filling my time browsing the internet, facebooking and spending my life of Twitter. Next I need to get back into my blog and Her Campus as a whole. I feel like such a let down! Why am I not more organised. It was something I always had such pride in the fact that I was always very motivated, organised and always kept my promise. Now look at me. What has my life become?

Well anyway I plan to make this change. I really want to start blogging again and will, yes WILL make it my mission to do so. I will write at least a weekly blog, offering some beauty tips I've found out. Plus probably mixed in with tales of my woes and just general misery! I have realised I'm quite a depressing person! 

I hope it doesn't come across too much in my blog posts! Please tell me if I'm too depressing as I will try to reduce this. I know it will only put off any readers I do manage to gain. After all who wants to read someone who's just so miserable all the time! Okay so on that note, this is my post to state my aims and intentions! It will be something I commit too. It will. If I fail in this then I might as well deem myself a failure at life right?

See I'm being depressing and pessimistic again! Another mission to stop doing that too!

Right I'm going to end of this note. But I can assure you I have full intentions of trying to make something of this and really hope that I will. Now all I need is to get some sort of readership....

Emily x