Thursday, 2 January 2014

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

All I can say is today has been a day of what only can be described as ups and downs. I feel like for everything that went right there was always a negative side to it. Or at least that's how it feels in my head anyway. Let me explain.

It kinda carried on from yesterday really. You see I don't know why, well I thought I kind of did but I'm sure my poor eating habits aren't the only thing to blame. But anyway whether it was that alone, the fact I'm suffering a bit from insomnia and the fact I may still slightly be in New York time. But anyway I was up all night. And when I mean all I mean I was awake until at least quarter past 6! That's without dozing or even yawning for the most part! I'm talking so wide awake I could have probably gone for a full on 5k run! So this was obviously not good at all! Especially when I'd planned to get up at a more sensible time so that I could actually start on my dossier

I bet you can guess what came next now then. You're thinking 'Ahh so she's gonna go on a rant about how she ended up procrastinating and not doing any work all day'. Well in one way yes you're right. But I did in fact start watching my BBC clips! Wait for it.... at 5 in the morning! I guess I finally did something sensible in my life for once. I used my time productively! If I wasn't going to sleep then I might as well do something half beneficial. Plus I think I kind of secretly hoped it would bore me so much I'd fall asleep!

Well after watching a whole hour, I was surprisingly still wide awake. But at least I was yawning and felt like I might finally get some sort of sleep! Which to my joy I did at quarter past 6ish! So not only before I'd technically even woken up, started my dossier work and did get some sleep! Plus it got even better! My Mum booked me in to a Body Pump class for this evening! This day should have been amazing!!

But was it? Well not all of it. I won't exactly say it was the worst day, because believe me it certainly wasn't! By my standards it was pretty good! But of course there is always something that had to go wrong. 

Well you could say the fact I then never got up again until half 12 was partly to do with that. Which only happened because my Nan rung asking when I wanted to go shopping. (I'd asked them the day before to take me into Basildon so I could take a coat back and I was secretly hoping for a trip to Starbucks! What a girl needs her caffeine fix! And.. I'm only 4 stars from being a Gold Member! Yes I do drink that much coffee!) 
Tragus Piercing!!!

So you're still thinking the reason I'm saying I had a bad day is because I clearly haven't done the work I set out to do. Which yes is the honest answer. I had a lovely time shopping, not only did I successfully return my coat with no problems, I also got my Starbucks. Okay admittedly I was actually a little disappointed in my Starbucks as it just didn't taste as good as it normally does. But that still was no worry. And guess what.. I even faced my fears and got my tragus pierced! At sodding last! I only went up to Bananas to enquire a price, expecting them to say something expensive and ridiculous but when they said £15 and my Nan offered to pay I knew I did have to have it done. Or else I knew I never would! And I've got to say I love it! Yes it hurt, yes it required me to eat something before I got it done! (And I did it, as much as I protested at first) But I did it!

So not even that brought be down! I mean I then had a brilliant Body Pump class! Which I cannot wait to brag to a certain someone about as soon as the opportunity arises! With a secret smugness that I managed to up my squat weight too! And without having done it in about 3 weeks! Ahh everything was going to well! 

I  guess it all really came down to my lack of motivation to work! I know I need to do it and I just can't. I feel like a failure every time I try and that's why it's the ugly! The ugly is the state that my mindset is in! The fact I can't bare to even begin my work. It's now only 10 days till it's due in and I still haven't even really started. (Until I put pen to paper it doesn't count!) 

I just need some motivation. Something to force me to. But nothing will! I could be in an empty room with absolutely nothing else and still would find myself doing something else than the work!

Why am I so useless?!!! Or more to the point, why will I never let myself have a day where I'm happy?

Emily x

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