Feeling low and getting help...

Now I know we all have bad days but why do I seem to feel like I always have more than most? Is there something majorly wrong with me? I admit it. I failed in my aim to be positive this month. I'm sorry to all my readers. I did make you a promise and I never achieved my goal. I guess deep down I knew I wouldn't last. I think I've known it from the very off. I'm just not a positive person and tend to see the negative in everything. Which I know is wrong. I know I need to stop being so down all the time but I don't know how to stop myself from feeling like this. Well actually I do and that's why I'm going to make a change.

You must be thinking, 'she says this all the time'. Which yes I do. But this time I'm getting proper help. I thought it's best that I tell yous all first as I really don't know how this is going to effect me or what I'm going to turn out like. Let's hope for the better and I suddenly gain a new lease of life. But to be honest you never can tell. But fingers crossed it will all be good. Anyway I've actually gotten round to doing what I've known for about 8 months I needed to do. I've booked myself a doctors appointment for Tuesday and with any luck they may be able to help me stop feeling so low all the time! 

I do believe I may be depressed. Either that or I have severe anxiety/stress/OCD. Well in fact I have all of those two. Plus I know I still have eating issues as well, not so much in the sense that I've got an actual disorder but I'm still conscious. I guess it's something that I probably always will be though ever since my eating disorder when I was fourteen. But that's a whole other story. Connected to this. Possibly. The entire reason for this.Not even the slightest.

I'm hoping my going to see the doctor on Tuesday they might be able to offer me some sort of antidepressant. I know they say that antidepressants are a last resort but I really have tried everything else. I've tried counselling  I've tried hypnotherapy. I've tried herbal remedies of all kinds. I've spoken to endless amounts of people and they're not making me any better. I need something to actually give me a boost! And let's fact it, how many people in the world do actually take them? Thousands. If not millions. They're not abnormal! And I won't be abnormal for having them. If anything they will be making me normal! 

So I guess we'll just have to wait and see how I get on. I really hope they see how much I need them. It really is a case of need. Of course I will listen to their suggestions and discuss alternatives, but I really can't see any other alternative right now. So keep your fingers crossed for me!

Emily x

PS:  If anyone else is in the same situation or had similar experiences or anything. I'd really appreciate some ideas and advice. Equally I'm happy to discuss my own experiences too!

Bloggers Aspiration/ Rant/ Negative Thoughts by me....

I really wish I was one of those people that sticks to their promises. I have the self control in some aspects. Like for instance I fill out an online food diary daily which tracks the nutritional information of what I eat and helps me watch what I eat. Probably both a good and bad thing to be truthful but still that's a post for another day. If I ever get round to it, that is. 

You see my problem is that I'm always trying to do four billion different things at once and never get round to finishing anything. Like I never even finished explaining things that I do on a daily basis without fail. Another example being my little standard fitness regime that is just compulsory. Again another post for another day but basically it's a set routine of sit ups, push ups, planks and stretches that I spend at least 20 minutes of my day and if I don't I feel a bit awkward. Obsessive I know. But hey that's me. 

So it really does beg the question... why can't I become just as obsessive with blogging? I guess it's because I go from one obsession to the next. Always have done (I think anyway) and think for the foreseeable future I always will do. Then I can sometimes break those little obsessions which is good in some cases but then I just seem to move on to something else. 

I really hope that one day my obsession will be blogging because I know once I get into it I'll really be able to make a successful blog. One that's as good as all the other amazing ones I read. So many of the girls in the Her Campus blogger's network have such amazing blogs and it almost makes me depressed that I can't match them. Well I say can't. I can. I just don't. Or is it won't? Oh I don't know. Maybe I'll sort myself out. Maybe. Probably not anytime soon though. 

Will I ever get my act together? Will I ever be the success I want to be? 

Emily x 

PS: Sorry for the post being all a bit too personal and negative. I know I know, I don't post for ages and when I do it's a personal rant in a way. I do deeply apologize to any readers out there. I will one day be better I promise!