The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

All I can say is today has been a day of what only can be described as ups and downs. I feel like for everything that went right there was always a negative side to it. Or at least that's how it feels in my head anyway. Let me explain.

It kinda carried on from yesterday really. You see I don't know why, well I thought I kind of did but I'm sure my poor eating habits aren't the only thing to blame. But anyway whether it was that alone, the fact I'm suffering a bit from insomnia and the fact I may still slightly be in New York time. But anyway I was up all night. And when I mean all I mean I was awake until at least quarter past 6! That's without dozing or even yawning for the most part! I'm talking so wide awake I could have probably gone for a full on 5k run! So this was obviously not good at all! Especially when I'd planned to get up at a more sensible time so that I could actually start on my dossier! 

I bet you can guess what came next now then. You're thinking 'Ahh so she's gonna go on a rant about how she ended up procrastinating and not doing any work all day'. Well in one way yes you're right. But I did in fact start watching my BBC clips! Wait for it.... at 5 in the morning! I guess I finally did something sensible in my life for once. I used my time productively! If I wasn't going to sleep then I might as well do something half beneficial. Plus I think I kind of secretly hoped it would bore me so much I'd fall asleep!

Well after watching a whole hour, I was surprisingly still wide awake. But at least I was yawning and felt like I might finally get some sort of sleep! Which to my joy I did at quarter past 6ish! So not only before I'd technically even woken up, started my dossier work and did get some sleep! Plus it got even better! My Mum booked me in to a Body Pump class for this evening! This day should have been amazing!!

But was it? Well not all of it. I won't exactly say it was the worst day, because believe me it certainly wasn't! By my standards it was pretty good! But of course there is always something that had to go wrong. 

Well you could say the fact I then never got up again until half 12 was partly to do with that. Which only happened because my Nan rung asking when I wanted to go shopping. (I'd asked them the day before to take me into Basildon so I could take a coat back and I was secretly hoping for a trip to Starbucks! What a girl needs her caffeine fix! And.. I'm only 4 stars from being a Gold Member! Yes I do drink that much coffee!) 

Tragus Piercing!!!

So you're still thinking the reason I'm saying I had a bad day is because I clearly haven't done the work I set out to do. Which yes is the honest answer. I had a lovely time shopping, not only did I successfully return my coat with no problems, I also got my Starbucks. Okay admittedly I was actually a little disappointed in my Starbucks as it just didn't taste as good as it normally does. But that still was no worry. And guess what.. I even faced my fears and got my tragus pierced! At sodding last! I only went up to Bananas to enquire a price, expecting them to say something expensive and ridiculous but when they said £15 and my Nan offered to pay I knew I did have to have it done. Or else I knew I never would! And I've got to say I love it! Yes it hurt, yes it required me to eat something before I got it done! (And I did it, as much as I protested at first) But I did it!

So not even that brought be down! I mean I then had a brilliant Body Pump class! Which I cannot wait to brag to a certain someone about as soon as the opportunity arises! With a secret smugness that I managed to up my squat weight too! And without having done it in about 3 weeks! Ahh everything was going to well! 

I  guess it all really came down to my lack of motivation to work! I know I need to do it and I just can't. I feel like a failure every time I try and that's why it's the ugly! The ugly is the state that my mindset is in! The fact I can't bare to even begin my work. It's now only 10 days till it's due in and I still haven't even really started. (Until I put pen to paper it doesn't count!) 

I just need some motivation. Something to force me to. But nothing will! I could be in an empty room with absolutely nothing else and still would find myself doing something else than the work!

Why am I so useless?!!! Or more to the point, why will I never let myself have a day where I'm happy?

Emily x

Day One and I'm already a failure.

So it's Day One of a New Year. One that I hope for not only my own sake, but for the sake of everyone who is unfortunate to encounter me in this upcoming year. Be far better than the last! I have so many aspirations and dreams that I really do want to achieve. But at the moment, ever the pessimist, I cannot see a single one of them working out. Want to know why? Because I've already failed. I can't even stick to one single promise to myself. It's Day One for gods sake and I can't even do that! 

I mean today I planned on actually getting started on my dossier that I need to do for uni. I set myself a target to watch at least four hours of news. This is the start of the news that I've been telling myself for the past two weeks I was going to watch everyday. Did I do it? Of course not. I procrastinated. The one thing I can actually excel in! Why do I not have a degree or job in it? Believe me, I would be the most fantastic procrastinator ever! 

I should have known this was how my day would turn out to be truthful. It was destined from the minute I woke up at 10:30am, then 11am, then 11:20am and so on and so on until I eventually dragged myself out of bed at 12:45pm! What is wrong with me?!!! To think at the start of 2013 I was the person that would be up at 7:30am without fail. Now that time doesn't even exist as far as I'm concerned. Unless of course I'm still awake from the night before because I've forgotten to sleep! Well I say forgotten, more likely the fact that I can't sleep because I'm on an energy rush after still eating at about half 3 in the morning!

But anyway the fact that I didn't get up until nearly 1pm may have contributed to my lack of work. That and the fact I then decided I'd start watching one of the most ridiculous films of my life courtesy of BBC called 'Gangsta Granny'. It was poor by all accounts, yet I still found myself watching it over the thought of doing work. Plus I still kind of had in my head that I would begin watching the shows later. So anyway by the time that had finished it was about quarter past two and this is the moment my Mum says she was finally getting dressed and we could go to Sports Direct and get me some new fitness trainers. Of course I wasn't going to refuse this offer. A chance to get out of the house, go shopping and probably get a coffee! (Of which I very much enjoyed I may add. I mean come on, it was my first Costa Cappuccino of the year!) 

But back to the point. See even writing this I get distracted! I think it's just now embedded in my genetic makeup. Another reason I am now excusing as to why I'm such a failure in life forever. Eurgh I really do hate myself. 

Anyway, after a coffee with my very lovely mother, and deciding that I'll just be better off ordering new fitness trainers online because I'm a cheapskate and know that I can get ones similar for a cheaper price. Which I may add I will not be ordering for myself because I don't feel I deserve them. Yes the sole of my trainers may be falling off but why pay out for another thing for me when glue can easily fix the ones I've got. I know I will end up ordering them eventually but I'm gonna drag it out until my Mum literally sits me down and forces me to do it. However I know she'll probably forget (I inherited my forgetfulness from her) and then I'll go back to uni and it will all be too late. Shame!

Typing this I'm realizing more and more how I'm my own worst enemy. I don't feel like I deserve anything and feel to be honest I already have far too much. I'm dreading going back to uni as I hate spending money on myself. I don't even like going food shopping as I feel I don't deserve it. I just do it because I know I have to. And even then it lands me in trouble as I hate myself so much. But that's a story for another day and hopefully something that will never happen ever again. Although I fear my lack of self control is going to limit me. Eurgh, this is making me want to drop out of uni more and more! 

I think I'm going to have to stop here as I'm making myself feel worse and worse the more I type. I know I haven't reached the end of why I've procrastinated all day but I'm sure you get the gist. In short it included a lot of social networking, reading celeb magazines, and doing my Jillian Michael's Shred. Plus watching lots of Hollyoaks that I need to catch up on from over Christmas! Let's hope somehow tomorrow I find a way to actually do some work. Otherwise I seriously might as well just become a bum for the rest of my life. 

It seems that's all I'm destined to be right now anyway. 

Emily x

Images not my own. 

New Year 'Challenges'

It seems that as of late when I do find the time to actually write a post because I'm not being depressive/obsessive/anxious/ (insert whatever bad mood seems appropriate here) phase, that I'm now no longer writing a beauty blog. I know that I always write something linked to my problems and personal journey through my obsession, my confusion, my denial I guess. Which is why I feel that going into 2014 that I should at least redefine what this blog is officially categorized as. This is a personal 'recovery' blog. My so-called personal journey through overcoming my obsessions and I guess you could say illness. Or at least that's how I like to think of it. Because most illnesses CAN be overcome. And that's exactly what I want to do. I'm fed up with  it ruling my life. So I wonder if maybe this year I will actually stop it from controlling and defining who I am. 

I know it's stereotypical so I'm not going to give myself 'New Year's Resolutions' as I feel labeling it that is setting myself up for failure. So let's call them 'challenges' as they seem more realistic in a way. So these are my challenges for the year:

• To smile about at least one thing everyday. I need to remember life isn't that bad. My life isn't a constant hole of dread. I do have things to be happy about and shouldn't let all the negative things constantly rule it. 
• To start working towards what I want to achieve. I need to stop procrastinating and moaning how much of  a failure I am. By doing so I know that I will actually move closer to my goal. 
• Try and overcome my obsessions. This one I know will be the hardest. I know I will probably struggle as I'm not well. I do need help and I have a lot of fears. But if I can overcome some of them then it's a step in the right direction right?

I'm kind of afraid to write anymore as I know that my list is actually pretty endless. So if I write too many down then I will be setting myself up for failure because let's face it, nobody is superhuman.

I guess what I need to remember is that no one else can make these changes but me. So that's exactly what I intend to do. 

I hope.

Emily x

Image not my own.

'It's Thanksgiving' Child Stars

It never fails to amaze me just how many people out there that are willing to do literally anything to try and become a child star! I mean we've got the ones who do generally have a talent, maybe they can sing, dance, do some weird and wonderful thing. Which yes I suppose can be warranted some exposure. But it's the ones such as all the child 'stars' that it's clear have only gotten their record deal or reality show purely because Mummy and Daddy were willing to pay for it! The most famous example is probably Rebecca Black. I think we all remember the lyrical genius that came up with 'Got to have my bowl, got to have cereal!' In 'Friday'! Oh memories aye?

But the one that stands out to me is the wonderfully auto-tuned rendition of 'It's Thanksgiving' by Nicole Westbrook. The lyrics are awful. The video is poor and don't get me wrong the girl doesn't sound terrible singing but she is blatently been heavily edited. Curtosy of parents who were desperate for thier little angel to be the next Disney megastar! But unfortunatley love we've all fallen far too much savvy to these types of media promotions now to even acknowledge this anymore. I think it's safe to say Nicole won't be making it into any of the charts any time soon.

Although I do comend her on the fact that I've managed to endure this oh so delightful video and song even though I live in England and we don't even celebrate Thanksgiving! So I congratulate her for that! All I can say is enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, I hate to be cruel but I really don't see it lasting. Unless Mummy and Daddy pay for yet another single for her...

For those of you who haven't heard the oh so delightful song (lucky you!) then I've posted the video below. Just in case like me you're too curious not to!

Let me know what you think.

Emily x

Who knew a bulldog could make such a difference? Instant Mood Lift!

I've got to say there are only a few things that really do lift my mood when I'm feeling low. Exercise being the obvious one, then things like going for a coffee with a friend. But recently something I've found that helps quite a lot is watching videos and looking at pictures of cute animals. Don't ask me why but it does. I think it's the whole cuteness appeal and the innocence of them. I just feel better for watching them. So I've decided it's not exactly a bad thing and thought I'd share one that I particularly like. This video is a whole compilation of bulldogs and I've got to say it is one of the most sweetest things. If this can't make you smile I don't know what will!  

Let me know what you think!

Emily x

Ziftit - Helping you give and get the gifts you really want!

I'm always struggle to buy presents for certain people. I either have the issue that I just have no clue what to get someone, or if I do know an idea I don't actually know if they'll like it. I find my parents are always a problem to buy for especially! You ask them what they want and all they ever say is 'I dunno, anything'. Well no, you wouldn't just want 'anything' would you? It would be so much easier if people could actually tell you what they want! 

I admit I'm probably the same myself. For those that know me enough to get me a gift but not enough to know everything I like, hence buying gifts that well, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but aren't necessarily something I'd want.And it's the same with me buying gifts for other people. So it begs the question why we don't just make it obvious what gifts we want! If only we could post online a list of gifts we wanted like a 'wish list'! Then when people want to get you a gift for whatever reason, they could just look at your list and get you something you genuinely will like!

It's a good job that Ziftit offer just that service. This is a shopping/ gifting website and app that allows users to create 'Zift Lists' (wish lists) for any occasion. You can add any item at all, from any online shop too and store it in your Zift List for all your friends and family to see. Gifters can then purchase the gifts straight from you Zift List and have it sent directly to you. So they don't even need to worry about postage and packaging! It's all too simple really, I keep thinking there must be some sort of catch!

Well apparently not! Plus Ziftit has some other good features that makes it stand out from others of this kind too that I actually was quite impressed by. Such as the personalized Trending Feed that will fill up with products that it thinks may be of interest to you based on your personal style. Always good for when getting ideas for things you may want, plus an excuse to add some more items to your list!

Then there is also Ziftit’s Events page. This function allows you to create events online and then send out invitations directly to your friends and family, also allowing you to receive RSVPs too. So it also acts as your own little organizer. Plus it's perfect if you need to arrange any sort of society based event at uni or even just meeting up with a group of friends.

That's without even mentioning the mobile app, which includes a Barcode Scanner allowing you to scan products when out and about in shops and then receive a list of where you can find that product (as well as the different prices it’s listed at) online! Perfect for finding a bargain!

Finally, Ziftit’s Pitch In feature allows you to split the cost of gifts with your friends! So no more issues about who needs to pay what , if splitting the cost of a gift! I really don't know why I haven't used this before tbh! Would have made life so much simpler! 

Ooh and that's before I even mentioned the current competition they have running at the moment! Ziftit are holding a Trendsetter Contest and will give away $10,000 to one winner! All you have to do to enter the contest is gather unique products from all over the web and add them to your personal Zift List. Then by using the “follow” feature, you will need to try and gain a following on Ziftit by adding products to their Zift Lists that you think will appeal to your followers. Anything you add to your Then on December 15, the participant with the highest overall influence rating will win $10,000 and will be named “The Trendsetter of 2013.” 

So if that's not a reason to give this a go then I don't know what is. It's certainly worth a look into anyway!

Let me know if any of you do give it a go and I'll be sure to follow you!

Emily x

This is a sponsored post.

Prank Calling Puppies - Surprising Mood Lift!

Hello there,

On a mission to keep my mood up, plus the fact that I was majorly procrastinating from doing my uni work I came across this cute little video on Youtube that certainly put a smile on my face. I think this would be one of the only times I would except a prank call and actually be alright with it. (Well only if Skype was involved!) If not I think I might be a little confused by what was going on but I'm sure you'll see what I mean when you watch the video yourself! So anyway here is something that I hope puts a smile on your face too and I think you'll agree you wouldn't mind getting a call from them either! 

Have you come across any other cute prank calling animals? If you have please let me know! 

Emily x