Maybe the best things are left unsaid..

Last week I wrote a blog post, basically expressing my anger at a comment someone made towards me on Twitter. Well all I can say is that was although I don't take back what I said. Because at the time it was how I was truly feeling and in a way still what I believe. Therefore I'm perfectly entitled to say it. But at the same time I wish I had never written the post. Purely because it's now made me scared to express my  opinions at all. This blog was supposed to be the only place that I could truly express my views without fear or judgment, unlike other social mediums. But even this ended up causing me problems in the shape of people who were my friends now not talking to me at all. One of them even blocking me on Instagram and writing a series of tweets about me (indirect of course). 

The fact this all stemmed just from my blog post, has just driven me to absolute dispair. It's made them hate me. I'm now even more alone than ever before as I have lost all connection with the girl I used to be. I think in a way having them still back at home was the only thing that reminded me of the life I used to have. Now that's well and truly gone because they clearly don't want anything to do with me anymore and I don't feel I'll ever redeem that from them.

It's made me realise I really don't have any friends. I'm completely alone. I don't really have anyone I can confine in at uni as no one will ever truly understand because they haven't known me since I was first suffering - back when I was 13. So what they see now they think is me at my worst. But it's not. Or at least not in weight wise and eating wise. Maybe not in mind wise as I'm certain I've deteriorated in those terms probably not helped by uni stress and various other factors in my life occurring over the last year but I'm better eating wise at least 70%. But no one sees that. No one believes me either. No matter how much I insist it. In fact I know my own family even dis-believe me. So why should I expect people who have known me less than two years to really understand?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I fear of having a voice. I fear of speaking as I know the rare times I do I just land myself in more trouble and maybe it's just best if I hold everything in to myself. I guess if I keep quiet and keep my thoughts unknown then the only person I can hurt is myself. And that's hardly anything new is it?

Emily x

Image Source: http://unspokenwordstoyou.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/tumblr_mb1on0htgk1qjm9bpo1_500.png?w=560

Do they mean well or just think they know it all?

Hello,

Now strangely for me I was having a reasonably okay day. Nothing majorly exciting had happened, nor had anything particularly bad happened. It started off with what should have made it difficult for me as I was made to start work at 9am rather than my usual 12pm which meant not only an early start but a change to my exercise schedule. But yet I didn't let this get to me. Even when I missed my planned later Body Pump session in the evening because I fell asleep! Yet I still wasn't that upset! Okay yes I had done Level's Two and Three of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred so I had my exercise fix but  my exercise addiction tells me it's crucial to do Body Pump as well. But I'm slowly learning I don't need to and there's always tomorrow! (I'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to write that! Let's just hope I keep that saying in my head the next time I miss a session.)

Another thing that should have really wound myself up is that after agreeing to finally have a coffee with my friend Fe (Conditioning instructor at the Gym). You see she can only do Monday's and where I'm always usually working the 12pm-5pm shift at work I can't normally fit this in! So for once I saw my early finish of 2pm to be the perfect opportunity to finally have a long overdue catch up with her! Of course you can probably guess what was coming... she cancelled. I almost knew it straight from the text she sent me first thing this morning saying she 'might' be going shopping with her friend. Then her Mum needed to be taken into town and plus she said she had problems with low energy due to having a bad day yesterday and meditation not working or some other long winded reason that I've lost all ability to keep up. I wish sometimes people would just be striaght sometimes and say they don't fancy meeting up. But you know what I didn't let this bother me either and just used it as an excuse to go home. I really did not want to let anything bring me down!

Even the fact that I had the most unproductive evening of my life didn't phase me. You think having come home from work at two, finished all my exercise for the day by half three and watched all the TV I wanted to catch up with by four. I would have been more productive with the mountain of uni work I had. Well as you can guess of course I've done basically none of it. I just didn't have the motivation to do it, and chose the option of sleep instead. After all I chose the 'health' benefit option. Well that and then choosing to watch Hollyoaks, tomorrows Hollyoaks, rest a little more, Eastenders and then any other program that could act as a distraction. Oh well, it will get done. Maybe not when I would have liked it done by, but I certainly will make sure it's done tomorrow!

So why am I now upset? Well I guess it's all over one little comment. Yes that really is all it takes to really wind me up. I hate how I let this things get to me but I think it was the combination of what they said, who said it and the fact that someone else passed judgment on it. All when they don't truly understand my situation. Okay let me explain.

Earlier this evening I wrote a tweet reading: 'Don't understand why I feel constantly so drained of energy! :(' A simple tweet expressing that I was feeling particularly tired today and do tend to reach a slump of energy at some point most days. But then again this isn't something overly unusual. I'm sure many of you can say you've had the exact same feeling before. Plus I know exactly why I'm feeling tired. 

1. I was up early this morning and went to bed late too. As per but still it's def a major reason. 
2. I'd been at work all day, and on days I'm not at work I'm at uni. If not both! So I'm constantly on the go!
3. I had done 40 minutes of 30 Day Shred today and that was with having been at work since crack of dawn and only had one cup of black instant coffee! Therefore hadn't had my caffeine fix either really!

So is it any wonder why I was feeling tired?! Yet everyone always decides what the reason is for me it seems. And it's constantly to do with my weight. How many times do people want to interfere?!!!! Yes, I'm well aware I'm far too skinny and underweight! But that is not the reason I am tired! So to receive a tweet reply reading: 'you don't eat enough Hun food is fuel for your body xx'. I'm sorry. What?! Who do they think they are? For starters, how do they know what I eat? They don't know my situation, especially when the person who wrote it isn't even a friend. It was my friend's Mum! Yes you read that right, her Mum! My own Mum would never dream of writing to my friends. Let alone a response like that! I think even if my own freind had written it I would be more understanding but no! How dare they accuse me of not eating enough! 

Okay on the surface yes I probably do look like I starve myself, but I don't! I eat, a lot! Enough to maintain weight at least and that's considering I do exercise daily! Alright I know I should be eating to gain, and some days I do! But I'm by no means trying to keep my weight low on purpose. I'm not dieting. I'm not restricting. I'm eating! And often enjoying it too! So the fact they had the cheek to make a judgment when they don't even know me really is the frustrating part! Plus it's the fact that people just seem to make assumptions about me just from a photograph. (This woman last saw me in the Summer) So they don't know what I'm like now, or my state of mind!

To make matters worse I then noticed that another friend from when I was in secondary school and haven't seen since about two years ago then 'Favourited' my friend's Mum's tweet! Like she was in support of what they had said. Almost suggesting that they think I have a problem as well. This led to my anger being heightened even further and my fury inspire this long winded blog post having a rant yet again. Plus it also saw me quickly make a sharp response to my friend's Mum saying: 'I do eat enough! The reason I'm so tired is because I'm constantly on the go and always busy juggling uni and a 20hr week job!' I feel they should consider other reasons and not just jump to their first conclusion and immediatly think they're right! 

Okay I know they probably didn't mean any harm. They probably just want me to be better and see me back at full health. But it irritates me how people assume they know best when in fact they don't know me at all. They don't know me. They don't know my situation and they certainly don't know what goes on in my head. Nor my lifestyle! So sometimes I think people need to consider what they say and not jump to immediate conclusions without considering other options too. 

Although I certainly know I can make up my mind before knowing all the facts. I guess in a way it's going to make me think before always just assuming things, so at least I've learnt from this. Also it makes me all the more determined to prove them wrong! Let's hope they learn their lesson too.

Emily x

Ziftit - Helping you give and get the gifts you really want!

I'm always struggle to buy presents for certain people. I either have the issue that I just have no clue what to get someone, or if I do know an idea I don't actually know if they'll like it. I find my parents are always a problem to buy for especially! You ask them what they want and all they ever say is 'I dunno, anything'. Well no, you wouldn't just want 'anything' would you? It would be so much easier if people could actually tell you what they want! 

I admit I'm probably the same myself. For those that know me enough to get me a gift but not enough to know everything I like, hence buying gifts that well, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but aren't necessarily something I'd want.And it's the same with me buying gifts for other people. So it begs the question why we don't just make it obvious what gifts we want! If only we could post online a list of gifts we wanted like a 'wish list'! Then when people want to get you a gift for whatever reason, they could just look at your list and get you something you genuinely will like!

It's a good job that Ziftit offer just that service. This is a shopping/ gifting website and app that allows users to create 'Zift Lists' (wish lists) for any occasion. You can add any item at all, from any online shop too and store it in your Zift List for all your friends and family to see. Gifters can then purchase the gifts straight from you Zift List and have it sent directly to you. So they don't even need to worry about postage and packaging! It's all too simple really, I keep thinking there must be some sort of catch!

Well apparently not! Plus Ziftit has some other good features that makes it stand out from others of this kind too that I actually was quite impressed by. Such as the personalized Trending Feed that will fill up with products that it thinks may be of interest to you based on your personal style. Always good for when getting ideas for things you may want, plus an excuse to add some more items to your list!

Then there is also Ziftit’s Events page. This function allows you to create events online and then send out invitations directly to your friends and family, also allowing you to receive RSVPs too. So it also acts as your own little organizer. Plus it's perfect if you need to arrange any sort of society based event at uni or even just meeting up with a group of friends.

That's without even mentioning the mobile app, which includes a Barcode Scanner allowing you to scan products when out and about in shops and then receive a list of where you can find that product (as well as the different prices it’s listed at) online! Perfect for finding a bargain!

Finally, Ziftit’s Pitch In feature allows you to split the cost of gifts with your friends! So no more issues about who needs to pay what , if splitting the cost of a gift! I really don't know why I haven't used this before tbh! Would have made life so much simpler! 

Ooh and that's before I even mentioned the current competition they have running at the moment! Ziftit are holding a Trendsetter Contest and will give away $10,000 to one winner! All you have to do to enter the contest is gather unique products from all over the web and add them to your personal Zift List. Then by using the “follow” feature, you will need to try and gain a following on Ziftit by adding products to their Zift Lists that you think will appeal to your followers. Anything you add to your Then on December 15, the participant with the highest overall influence rating will win $10,000 and will be named “The Trendsetter of 2013.” 

So if that's not a reason to give this a go then I don't know what is. It's certainly worth a look into anyway!

Let me know if any of you do give it a go and I'll be sure to follow you!

Emily x

This is a sponsored post.