The one beyond help...

It's gotten to that stage where I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling anymore. My moods are so up and down I go from being in a state of calmness, like I am right at this second, to 10 seconds later being upset, 10 seconds later - low, 10 seconds - angry, 10 seconds - scared. I think you get the idea. I just never know what to think of myself anymore. But all I know is that I am not right. I am not normal. I am no where near able to consider myself like everyone else. I am a mess. And that's being kind to myself. My god was I seriously... complimentary.. of myself! 

But today I've realised a lot of things. No matter how much I tell myself that I'm trying to improve. That I'm slowly and surely getting better. That my mind is becoming more stable and my moods improving. Plus my body getting healthier too. I now know this is all one big lie. I'm lying to myself. I'm not getting better. If anything I fear that I'm going backwards. In fact I know I am. I'm becoming more ill. More ill in the head. I lack any control and the things I love are hurting me. I now fear the things I love. I now fear to be who I used to be. I am not normal. The worrying thing is. I don't know if I want to be either. 

Now you may say there is nothing wrong with wanting to be an individual. But I am obsessed. And from things I'm obsessed with I now know I'm not alone. But these are the same things that are making me worse. I almost want to be worse than them. Yet at the same time better. How does this work? I guess the truth is I don't even know what I want anymore and I'm not sure if I care either. In fact the way I'm going, I don't think it will matter anyway. I'm not going to get better. Deep down I know that's the truth. It's because I know in all honesty I don't want to get better. I like the fact I'm slowly declining as it gives me a reason to accept why I'm a failure. 

Everyone says to me that when I'm better my whole attitude will change. Everyone says as soon as my moods balance out, my body returns to health, that in myself I will be happier. Have a more positive outlook at life and maybe will achieve what I truly want. But thinking about it, why should I? Why should I make myself happy? I don't deserve it. And what's to say even if my 'mind' magically does improve to 'normal' that I will actually be happier and not a failure. Maybe the only true way for me to achieve anything is to change what I want to achieve. And I know that the one thing I'm good at is being miserable, upset, low, and obsessive. So why not specialize in that? But of course this doesn't make me happy either. The opposite in fact.

I feel I'm not even making sense. But I think that's because I don't even make sense to myself. I have no control over my life anymore. I am being controlled. By a force that is twisted and telling me that I'm a mess. My mind is one big blur and a constant state of confusion. I know what I should do to really help myself but I refuse to allow myself that help. I don't deserve help and maybe I like not being helped. Maybe I like the sense of constantly being a let down. At least if I'm disappointed in myself it makes it all the easier for other people to be disappointed in me too.

I realise this post is extremely negative. I never intended to be so negative. Not this week. I planned for any blog posts this week to be one of my strength and recovery. Seeing as it's National Eating Disorder Awareness week and I wanted to be able to write about how well I've done to overcome such a serious mental illness. But even if I don't see it as bad a mental illness as I had before and see other mental problems being more of the cause, as much as others say it's just an eating problem. I know I'm not well. If I was really well I wouldn't have the sense of self loave in me. I wouldn't be as obsessive with my eating times. I wouldn't love exercise so much that if I don't do it I hate myself to the point I find it hard to eat. Well I don't. Which is all the more problem as I won't let myself eat before I've decided it's the appropriate time. So if I betray this I feel I let myself down and then resent myself. So I guess this is a form of an eating disorder.

So I think we've concluded I'm not sound in the head. I'm not getting any better and if I'm honest I don't want to either. I like being the one that people look at with despair. Otherwise I'd simply fade into the background and have no excuse for being the state and mess I am. So no I'm not recovered and no I have no intentions of dramatically changing. I guess eventually I'll get what's coming to me and will eventually disappear. Which by then I'll be simply known as the girl who refused to be helped. 

Emily x

Image Source: http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/when-are-you-due.html

Maybe the best things are left unsaid..

Last week I wrote a blog post, basically expressing my anger at a comment someone made towards me on Twitter. Well all I can say is that was although I don't take back what I said. Because at the time it was how I was truly feeling and in a way still what I believe. Therefore I'm perfectly entitled to say it. But at the same time I wish I had never written the post. Purely because it's now made me scared to express my  opinions at all. This blog was supposed to be the only place that I could truly express my views without fear or judgment, unlike other social mediums. But even this ended up causing me problems in the shape of people who were my friends now not talking to me at all. One of them even blocking me on Instagram and writing a series of tweets about me (indirect of course). 

The fact this all stemmed just from my blog post, has just driven me to absolute dispair. It's made them hate me. I'm now even more alone than ever before as I have lost all connection with the girl I used to be. I think in a way having them still back at home was the only thing that reminded me of the life I used to have. Now that's well and truly gone because they clearly don't want anything to do with me anymore and I don't feel I'll ever redeem that from them.

It's made me realise I really don't have any friends. I'm completely alone. I don't really have anyone I can confine in at uni as no one will ever truly understand because they haven't known me since I was first suffering - back when I was 13. So what they see now they think is me at my worst. But it's not. Or at least not in weight wise and eating wise. Maybe not in mind wise as I'm certain I've deteriorated in those terms probably not helped by uni stress and various other factors in my life occurring over the last year but I'm better eating wise at least 70%. But no one sees that. No one believes me either. No matter how much I insist it. In fact I know my own family even dis-believe me. So why should I expect people who have known me less than two years to really understand?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I fear of having a voice. I fear of speaking as I know the rare times I do I just land myself in more trouble and maybe it's just best if I hold everything in to myself. I guess if I keep quiet and keep my thoughts unknown then the only person I can hurt is myself. And that's hardly anything new is it?

Emily x

Image Source: http://unspokenwordstoyou.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/tumblr_mb1on0htgk1qjm9bpo1_500.png?w=560

Single Girls and Cocktails

February 14th. The day that for many is symbolic of love, relationships and romance. Unless you’re single of course, then it’s more just a gentle reminder that you’re alone and haven’t got that ‘special’ someone to lavish you with attention, love and maybe a gift… or two. Some people believe it’s amazing that any singleton can even find a reason to smile on such a lovey- dovey day. Well rest assured I have found the perfect solution. This has come after many years of spending Valentine’s Day dateless and I’ve decided it’s not a reason to dwell. In fact why shouldn’t I be celebrating? After all being a single girl definitely has its perks!

Just think you don’t have the issue of getting the ‘perfect’ present for your loved one. No bother with finding and writing an emotive and heart felt message in a card. Plus you can have complete freedom of how you spend Valentine’s Day. So this year I’ve decided to make a night of Valentine’s Day. And I encourage all you other single girls out there to do the same. How am I going to do this I hear you ask? By celebrating in true single girl style and throwing a cocktail party!

I couldn’t think of anything better than inviting a few of my fellow single friends round (although those in relationships are welcome too) to enjoy a night of having fun, gossiping and knocking back a few Valentine’s themed beverages. I mean, why not? We owe it to ourselves to celebrate being us! Plus why let couples steal a day from us?

I feel a party at home is more appropriate than going out. Purely for the fact that every restaurant/bar/club/anywhere with some sort of social aspect will be full of couples. So, to avoid the heart ache and general ‘Oh bless, they’re on their own’ scenario, I feel a night in is more appropriate. Plus it will probably work out cheaper in the long run too!

You might have the issue of not knowing what cocktails to make, especially if you rely on the cocktail list at the bar to inspire you. Well worry no more as I have supplied a list of some tried and tested cocktail recipes to give you some ideas of what to indulge in (and yes they really are luxurious) this February 14th.

The Romance

This will be all you need to fall in love. Who needs a partner when you can have this little taste of heaven instead? This cocktail is very rich and sweet and the chocolate, coffee and cream mix make this the perfect combination of a drink and dessert all in one. 

Ingredients:

• 3/4 ounce Kahlua
• 3/4 ounce Bailey’s
• 3/4 ounce brown Creme de Cacao
• 1 ounce heavy cream
• Cocoa powder/chocolate sprinkles
• Marshmallows

Method:
Simply mix all the liquid ingredients together with ice before straining into a glass. Martini ones are my best recommendation. Then top with your choice of chocolaty treat. I personally like the marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles but feel free to adapt to your preference.

White Strawberry Sangria

Sangria for me is the reminder of hot summer days and being happy. So why not brighten up a dull and dreary February evening by adding a bit of that warming summer sparkle? This adaption will leave you refreshed and definitely in your happy little place.

Ingredients:

• 125ml of white wine
• 30ml strawberry Schnapps
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 2 strawberries
• Ice

Method:
Combine the wine, Schnapps and sugar, stirring until the sugar has completely dissolved. Then slice up the strawberries into bite-sized pieces. Pour your beverage into a glass filled with ice and top with the sliced strawberries.

Raspberry and Chocolate Martini

Another chocolaty one, after all it’s only fair that us single girls get the benefits of chocolate on Valentine’s Day too! The mixture of chocolate and raspberries means this is another sweet one and it is luxurious to say the very least. But who cares, we deserve it.

Ingredients:

• 50ml vodka
• 25ml chocolate syrup
• 4 raspberries
• 1 teaspoon chocolate/cocoa powder
• Ice

Method:
Fill a shaker with all the ingredients except the chocolate powder. Shake thoroughly before straining into a martini glass. Use the chocolate powder to top as a garnish. You may wish to also add extra raspberries.

If you’re a non-drinker you don’t have to be left out either. So here is an equally indulgent mocktail to treat yourself too.

Virgin on the Beach

A non-alcoholic twist on the classic Sex on the Beach. Still equally as refreshing and fruity but without all the headache in the morning.

Ingredients:

• 30ml grapefruit juice
• 30ml cranberry juice
• 1 teaspoon coconut milk
• 180ml water
• Ice
• Choice of fruit (berries or grapes work well)

Method:
Combine all liquid ingredients plus ice and blend together until completely smooth. Pour into a glass and top with your own choice of fruit as a garnish.

Spicy Raspberry Lemon Cooler

This is for those of you who want the sophistication of a fruity cocktail but are still reminising over the days when Valentine’s Day was just a distant memory. Remember when parties were all  about the party bags and lemonade!  So here is the perfect mix to give you the best of both worlds.

Ingredients:

• 3 raspberries
• 30ml honey
• 30ml lemon juice
• 30ml water
• 200ml ginger beer
• Lemon slice

Method:
Put the raspberries, honey, lemon juice and water into a pan and boil. Then simmer the mixture for 5 minutes until the fruit has completely broken down.  After this remove from the heat and let cool before straining into an ice filled glass of choice. Then fill the rest of the glass with ginger beer and serve with a lemon slice on the side.


Emily x

Image Source:

1. http://mixthatdrink.com/romance/
2. http://www.food.com/recipe/white-strawberry-sangria-62275?scaleto=1&mode=null&st=true
3. http://uk.thebar.com/recipe/raspberry-and-chocolate--espresso-martini
4. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Abstinence-on-the-Beach/Detail.aspx?evt19=1&scale=1&ismetric=1
5. http://www.hgtv.com/entertaining/spicy-raspberry-lemon-cooler/index.html

Original Article can be found here: http://www.hercampus.com/school/leeds/single-girls-and-cocktails

Do they mean well or just think they know it all?

Hello,

Now strangely for me I was having a reasonably okay day. Nothing majorly exciting had happened, nor had anything particularly bad happened. It started off with what should have made it difficult for me as I was made to start work at 9am rather than my usual 12pm which meant not only an early start but a change to my exercise schedule. But yet I didn't let this get to me. Even when I missed my planned later Body Pump session in the evening because I fell asleep! Yet I still wasn't that upset! Okay yes I had done Level's Two and Three of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred so I had my exercise fix but  my exercise addiction tells me it's crucial to do Body Pump as well. But I'm slowly learning I don't need to and there's always tomorrow! (I'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to write that! Let's just hope I keep that saying in my head the next time I miss a session.)

Another thing that should have really wound myself up is that after agreeing to finally have a coffee with my friend Fe (Conditioning instructor at the Gym). You see she can only do Monday's and where I'm always usually working the 12pm-5pm shift at work I can't normally fit this in! So for once I saw my early finish of 2pm to be the perfect opportunity to finally have a long overdue catch up with her! Of course you can probably guess what was coming... she cancelled. I almost knew it straight from the text she sent me first thing this morning saying she 'might' be going shopping with her friend. Then her Mum needed to be taken into town and plus she said she had problems with low energy due to having a bad day yesterday and meditation not working or some other long winded reason that I've lost all ability to keep up. I wish sometimes people would just be striaght sometimes and say they don't fancy meeting up. But you know what I didn't let this bother me either and just used it as an excuse to go home. I really did not want to let anything bring me down!

Even the fact that I had the most unproductive evening of my life didn't phase me. You think having come home from work at two, finished all my exercise for the day by half three and watched all the TV I wanted to catch up with by four. I would have been more productive with the mountain of uni work I had. Well as you can guess of course I've done basically none of it. I just didn't have the motivation to do it, and chose the option of sleep instead. After all I chose the 'health' benefit option. Well that and then choosing to watch Hollyoaks, tomorrows Hollyoaks, rest a little more, Eastenders and then any other program that could act as a distraction. Oh well, it will get done. Maybe not when I would have liked it done by, but I certainly will make sure it's done tomorrow!

So why am I now upset? Well I guess it's all over one little comment. Yes that really is all it takes to really wind me up. I hate how I let this things get to me but I think it was the combination of what they said, who said it and the fact that someone else passed judgment on it. All when they don't truly understand my situation. Okay let me explain.

Earlier this evening I wrote a tweet reading: 'Don't understand why I feel constantly so drained of energy! :(' A simple tweet expressing that I was feeling particularly tired today and do tend to reach a slump of energy at some point most days. But then again this isn't something overly unusual. I'm sure many of you can say you've had the exact same feeling before. Plus I know exactly why I'm feeling tired. 

1. I was up early this morning and went to bed late too. As per but still it's def a major reason. 
2. I'd been at work all day, and on days I'm not at work I'm at uni. If not both! So I'm constantly on the go!
3. I had done 40 minutes of 30 Day Shred today and that was with having been at work since crack of dawn and only had one cup of black instant coffee! Therefore hadn't had my caffeine fix either really!

So is it any wonder why I was feeling tired?! Yet everyone always decides what the reason is for me it seems. And it's constantly to do with my weight. How many times do people want to interfere?!!!! Yes, I'm well aware I'm far too skinny and underweight! But that is not the reason I am tired! So to receive a tweet reply reading: 'you don't eat enough Hun food is fuel for your body xx'. I'm sorry. What?! Who do they think they are? For starters, how do they know what I eat? They don't know my situation, especially when the person who wrote it isn't even a friend. It was my friend's Mum! Yes you read that right, her Mum! My own Mum would never dream of writing to my friends. Let alone a response like that! I think even if my own freind had written it I would be more understanding but no! How dare they accuse me of not eating enough! 

Okay on the surface yes I probably do look like I starve myself, but I don't! I eat, a lot! Enough to maintain weight at least and that's considering I do exercise daily! Alright I know I should be eating to gain, and some days I do! But I'm by no means trying to keep my weight low on purpose. I'm not dieting. I'm not restricting. I'm eating! And often enjoying it too! So the fact they had the cheek to make a judgment when they don't even know me really is the frustrating part! Plus it's the fact that people just seem to make assumptions about me just from a photograph. (This woman last saw me in the Summer) So they don't know what I'm like now, or my state of mind!

To make matters worse I then noticed that another friend from when I was in secondary school and haven't seen since about two years ago then 'Favourited' my friend's Mum's tweet! Like she was in support of what they had said. Almost suggesting that they think I have a problem as well. This led to my anger being heightened even further and my fury inspire this long winded blog post having a rant yet again. Plus it also saw me quickly make a sharp response to my friend's Mum saying: 'I do eat enough! The reason I'm so tired is because I'm constantly on the go and always busy juggling uni and a 20hr week job!' I feel they should consider other reasons and not just jump to their first conclusion and immediatly think they're right! 

Okay I know they probably didn't mean any harm. They probably just want me to be better and see me back at full health. But it irritates me how people assume they know best when in fact they don't know me at all. They don't know me. They don't know my situation and they certainly don't know what goes on in my head. Nor my lifestyle! So sometimes I think people need to consider what they say and not jump to immediate conclusions without considering other options too. 

Although I certainly know I can make up my mind before knowing all the facts. I guess in a way it's going to make me think before always just assuming things, so at least I've learnt from this. Also it makes me all the more determined to prove them wrong! Let's hope they learn their lesson too.

Emily x

Is Beige the new 'IT' Colour? - Review of ELF Nail Polish in Desert Haze

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9
Chip resistant: 7
Price: 9
Size of bottle: 7
Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D - See more at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpufIt seems that over the last month or so my love of nail polish's has come back. I went for absolutely ages without having a care in the world, generally because I became quite lazy with the constant upkeep of doing them all the time. Plus I have the problem of quite weak nails that snap all the time (probably not aided by my horrible biting habit) but also through years of wearing acrylics.It seems that over the last month or so my love of nail polish's has come back. I went for absolutely ages without having a care in the world, generally because I became quite lazy with the constant upkeep of doing them all the time. Plus I have the problem of quite weak nails that snap all the time (probably not aided by my horrible biting habit) but also through years of wearing acrylics.

However, after deciding to receive a manicure just before Christmas as a little treat to myself I've found myself trying to maintain my nail's colourful appearance. Swapping colours, repainting and generally looking out for the different nail colour trends again. Something that I haven't done in absolute forever!

It's quite nice really having something new to look out for and it's amazing how much better your nails do look when painted and looked after. It just makes you feel better as you have something nicer about yourself, especially when receiving compliments from other people about how nice they look. For me, receiving a compliment is something that instantly can brighten my day as I feel like I've taken a bit of a confidence knock as of late and seemed to receive very few anymore. So no matter how small the complement I really do appreciate them!

Anyway, as I was doing a bit of research into nail beauty trends I was browsing on Baobella and came across the competition to win one of the brand new colour's from ELF. As you can probably guess I was one of the very lucky few that did in fact get chosen! To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly! I never win anything! Plus the fact it was a new nail polish - the exact thing I visited the site for to gain new information about - was what I had won!

The wait for the nail polish to arrive was tense to say the least. All I wanted to know was what colour was I gonna get to try out. I'd seen a lot in the media about 'Beige' being the new so-called 'IT' colour and one that everyone was embracing for the spring period. So I did have a sneaky suspicion that Baobella might have been sending me one in that sort of shade. Which was confirmed when I opened my little package to find ELF nail polish in shade 'Desert Haze'. At first I questioned why it was called this, I always associated 'Desert' with yellowy tones. But then I guess when you think of it, most sand is more of a beigey colour anyway and that combined with Haze which reminds me of grey actually suits the colour quite well. (Let me know what you think too)

After my whole minute or so of deliberating the name I couldn't resist whipping out the nail polish remover to take off the previous red colour I had been sporting (in relation to the fact my work uniform is now a red top). So that I could instantly put the Desert Haze shade to good use! It would have been rude not to, don't you agree? I've got to say I'm very pleased with the shade!

In the past I never would have even considered trying such a neutral shade. I would always think either bright, bold or glitter were the only options! But I was pleasently surprised by just how much I loved the trend. It seems I weren't the only one too! I think within a day I had three people compliment me on the colour and ask what one it was! I guess beige really is the new colour trend everyone wants to embrace!

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9
Chip resistant: 7
Price: 9
Size of bottle: 7
Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D - See more at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpufIt seems that over the last month or so my love of nail polish's has come back. I went for absolutely ages without having a care in the world, generally because I became quite lazy with the constant upkeep of doing them all the time. Plus I have the problem of quite weak nails that snap all the time (probably not aided by my horrible biting habit) but also through years of wearing acrylics.

Hello ladies,

It seems that over the last month or so my love of nail polish's has come back. I went for absolutely ages without having a care in the world, generally because I became quite lazy with the constant upkeep of doing them all the time. Plus I have the problem of quite weak nails that snap all the time (probably not aided by my horrible biting habit) but also through years of wearing acrylics.

 However, after deciding to receive a manicure just before Christmas as a little treat to myself I've found myself trying to maintain my nail's colourful appearance. Swapping colours, repainting and generally looking out for the different nail colour trends again. Something that I haven't done in absolute forever!

It's quite nice really having something new to look out for and it's amazing how much better your nails do look when painted and looked after. It just makes you feel better as you have something nicer about yourself, especially when receiving compliments from other people about how nice they look. For me, receiving a compliment is something that instantly can brighten my day as I feel like I've taken a bit of a confidence knock as of late and seemed to receive very few anymore. So no matter how small the complement I really do appreciate them!

Anyway, as I was doing a bit of research into nail beauty trends I was browsing on Baobella and came across the competition to win one of the brand new colour's from ELF. As you can probably guess I was one of the very lucky few that did in fact get chosen! To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly! I never win anything! Plus the fact it was a new nail polish - the exact thing I visited the site for to gain new information about - was what I had won!

The wait for the nail polish to arrive was tense to say the least. All I wanted to know was what colour was I gonna get to try out. I'd seen a lot in the media about 'Beige' being the new so-called 'IT' colour and one that everyone was embracing for the spring period. So I did have a sneaky suspicion that Baobella might have been sending me one in that sort of shade. Which was confirmed when I opened my little package to find ELF nail polish in shade 'Desert Haze'. At first I questioned why it was called this, I always associated 'Desert' with yellowy tones. But then I guess when you think of it, most sand is more of a beigey colour anyway and that combined with Haze which reminds me of grey actually suits the colour quite well. (Let me know what you think too)

After my whole minute or so of deliberating the name I couldn't resist whipping out the nail polish remover to take off the previous red colour I had been sporting (in relation to the fact my work uniform is now a red top). So that I could instantly put the Desert Haze shade to good use! It would have been rude not to, don't you agree? I've got to say I'm very pleased with the shade!

In the past I never would have even considered trying such a neutral shade. I would always think either bright, bold or glitter were the only options! But I was pleasently surprised by just how much I loved the trend. It seems I weren't the only one too! I think within a day I had three people compliment me on the colour and ask what one it was! I guess beige really is the new colour trend everyone wants to embrace!

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9
Chip resistant: 7
Price: 9
Size of bottle: 7
Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D

Emily x

Read original at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpuf

However, after deciding to receive a manicure just before Christmas as a little treat to myself I've found myself trying to maintain my nail's colourful appearance. Swapping colours, repainting and generally looking out for the different nail colour trends again. Something that I haven't done in absolute forever!

It's quite nice really having something new to look out for and it's amazing how much better your nails do look when painted and looked after. It just makes you feel better as you have something nicer about yourself, especially when receiving compliments from other people about how nice they look. For me, receiving a compliment is something that instantly can brighten my day as I feel like I've taken a bit of a confidence knock as of late and seemed to receive very few anymore. So no matter how small the complement I really do appreciate them!

Anyway, as I was doing a bit of research into nail beauty trends I was browsing on Baobella and came across the competition to win one of the brand new colour's from ELF. As you can probably guess I was one of the very lucky few that did in fact get chosen! To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly! I never win anything! Plus the fact it was a new nail polish - the exact thing I visited the site for to gain new information about - was what I had won!

The wait for the nail polish to arrive was tense to say the least. All I wanted to know was what colour was I gonna get to try out. I'd seen a lot in the media about 'Beige' being the new so-called 'IT' colour and one that everyone was embracing for the spring period. So I did have a sneaky suspicion that Baobella might have been sending me one in that sort of shade. Which was confirmed when I opened my little package to find ELF nail polish in shade 'Desert Haze'. At first I questioned why it was called this, I always associated 'Desert' with yellowy tones. But then I guess when you think of it, most sand is more of a beigey colour anyway and that combined with Haze which reminds me of grey actually suits the colour quite well. (Let me know what you think too)

After my whole minute or so of deliberating the name I couldn't resist whipping out the nail polish remover to take off the previous red colour I had been sporting (in relation to the fact my work uniform is now a red top). So that I could instantly put the Desert Haze shade to good use! It would have been rude not to, don't you agree? I've got to say I'm very pleased with the shade!

In the past I never would have even considered trying such a neutral shade. I would always think either bright, bold or glitter were the only options! But I was pleasently surprised by just how much I loved the trend. It seems I weren't the only one too! I think within a day I had three people compliment me on the colour and ask what one it was! I guess beige really is the new colour trend everyone wants to embrace!

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9

Chip resistant: 7

Price: 9

Size of bottle: 7

Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D - See more at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpuf

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9
Chip resistant: 7
Price: 9
Size of bottle: 7
Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D - See more at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpuf

In terms of longevity I will admit there are probably better makes than this one as I will admit this did chip rather easily (within two days). Even with top coat applied. Despite it's claims of being Chip resistant. Then again most nail polishes are prone to chipping these days regardless of their claims?

Regardless, for colour purposes this one is an instant hit! Plus with the cost being so cheap (I looked up the price and it's only £2.50!) So in my opinion you can't really go wrong! Plus it was mega fast drying meaning I didn't have to wait four hours before touching anything for fear of smudging a nail.

Overall Rating out of 10: 8

Colour: 9
Chip resistant: 7
Price: 9
Size of bottle: 7
Trendiness: 8

Would I buy again: Yes :D - See more at: http://www.baobella.com/forum/talkview/is-beige-the-new-it-colour-review-of-elf-nail-polish/show#sthash.tdqCl3wV.dpuf

Exercise, Pampering, Coffee and Films - My Good Things in Life.

For once I can genuinely say I've had a lovely day! From what could have turned out to be me moping about all day in some miserable state, I managed to perk up my mood and make sure I was happy. I've realised that only I can truly make a change and if I'm not willing to help myself then I can't seriously expect anyone to help me. 

I initially didn't have all that great of a start. I planned to get up and go to an express Zumba (45 mins) but after going to bed at half 4 in the morning, I think it was pretty safe to say I wasn't going to be making a 9am Zumba class! So luckily I did cancel my place the night before but still set my alarm thinking if I woke up and still wanted to go I'm sure there would have been a space. Either way, when the alarm went off my head was pounding! I had no intentions of getting ready to go to the class. Which I will admit I knew I'd be upset about later on. But I knew for my own health sake I was better off sleeping! So that's exactly what I did. Even when my alarm later went off I still had a headache though. So again I slept for a little bit longer, and longer and yet the headache was still not there. Brilliant. Something was telling me this wasn't sleep related. But being the stubborn person I am I decided rather than taking some painkillers that instead I would sulk. As per. 

Thank god I got my act in gear. After my Mum rung me at about half 12 I decided enough was a enough and I needed to stop driving myself into a depressive state. After a quick call I decided I should at least fix my eyelashes and consider an action plan for the day. This began with some form of exercise. My legs ached, my head hurt but got to say doing Jillian's good old 30 Day Shred always make me feel better. I may hate the thought of enduring squat jumps. rock star jumps and the whole thing really but there's nothing better than finishing it. Although what I don't get is that even though I still feel like I'm working out I don't get the whole 'OMG I'm absolutely dying' feeling anymore. Now this can either mean my fitness has improved (unlikely) or I'm not putting in as much effort (more likely). But anyway normally I'd feel disappointed and feel the need to find more exercise to do. But being good as I know I need to put on weight I refrained myself and told myself it WAS enough! 

To distract myself I then got into contact with a friend who's training to be a masseuse. She asked me if I'd be a case study for her, which of course (even though it's an extreme hard ship having to receive a free full body and Indian head massage) that I would do it! Got to say it was exactly what I needed! I completely relaxed and considering over the last few days I've had aching shoulders, which I'm not sure if it was stress/sleeping dodgy/Body Pump/all 3 related. Was the perfect fix! I could literally feel the tension leaving them and was so nice just shutting off and having me time. Plus being friends with her always helps because we then got to have a good old chat afterwards. Including a trip to Costa for a coffee! Massage and Coffee! My day was getting better!

I couldn't believe that it was actually 6pm by the time I got in. Although I was quite happy that it was evening and time to sit and enjoy some Sunday evening TV entertainment. You can always rely on a channel having a film on and I love it even more when it's one I haven't seen before. Got to say I did enjoy watching Mirror, Mirror. Yes I'm still a child at heart. 

Just goes to show I suppose sometimes the littlest things can make a good night, Exercise, Pampering, Coffee and Films seem to work for me.

Emily x

The Gym Flipped Up

Hello everybody,

Just thought I'd share a little video that has actually made me smile just because it plays on stereotypes so well! My friend (who is a fitness instructor) posted this on their Facebook page and after watching it I can certainly say it's very fitting for anybody who has ever been in a gym or even if you have the imaginary vision from things you've seen in films and on telly! It's certainly comical and even though I've not personally (or at least I don't think I have) been subject to these stereotypes I most definitely know people who do. Have a watch and I'm sure you'll agree...

Hope this made you smile. Although it might be just because I'm a complete and utter fitness addict that this amuses me so much. I dunno.

Emily x